I am a very big fan of the Divergent series.
I am a very big fan of Tris and Tobias’s characters.
That said, their relationship makes me want to pull my hair out and scream.
In the beginning, I shipped them against my better judgment. Yeah, he’s her instructor. Yeah, he’s a raging asshole. Yeah, Christina describes him perfectly when she calls him a ‘jerk’. But he was mysterious and hot and cool and the teenager in me was easily won over. It wasn’t until their relationship started unfolding that it realistically turned into something terrifying.
Divergent:
Tobias continually patronizes and manipulates her. Tris is naturally inquisitive and doesn’t take anyone’s shit lightly but that all disappears when Tobias is around in the later chapters of Divergent. She tends to fly out of character and take in everything he says.
*After throwing a knife at her ear*
“You did that on purpose” I shout.
“Yes I did,” he says quietly. “And you should be thanking me for helping you”
I grit my teeth. “Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear and you spent the entire time taunting me, Why should I thank you?”
“You know, I’m getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on”
It seriously takes him over 100 pages to explain this to her? How on earth was she supposed to guess his motivations? There were plenty of opportunities for him to tell her why he threw a knife in her ear and taunted her. And I don’t see how actually hitting her with the knife did any good. There was no evidence to suggest that ANYONE suspected them of liking each other. Eric laughed at the idea of Tris trying to kiss him because he thought it was so ridiculous. When Peter said her high rank was because she could manipulate people, HE WASN’T REFERING TO ANYTHING ROMANTIC WITH FOUR! He was referring to her manipulating people into thinking she’s weak so she can surprise them, which Tobias actually encouraged her to do.
*After the simulation of Lauren’s fear of kidnap triggers Tris’s traumatic memory of the time she was kidnapped*
Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet.
“What the hell was that, Stiff?”
“I…” My breath comes in a hiccup. “I didn’t-”
“Get yourself together ! This is pathetic.”
…
“Why do you care anyway?” I say. “You can either be the cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend.”…”You can’t play both parts at the same time”
“I am not cruel.” He scowls at me. “I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were…” He sighs. “You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill.”
…
“You didn’t have to insult me to prove something to them,” I say finally.
“And you didn’t have to run off with your brother just because I hurt you,” he says. He runs the back of his neck. “Besides it worked didn’t it?
“At my expense”
“I didn’t think it would affect you this way.” Then he looks down and shrugs. “Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt”
…A strange feeling goes through me-a sweet, aching weakness. He did what he did because he believes in my strength.
How on earth would not yelling at her like that when all the other initiates showed signs of doing badly indicate they were seeing each other?!!! Here’s the answer: It wouldn’t have. A shake of the head would suffice. And I’m not sure where Tris gets the idea that he did that because he believes in her strength. Wouldn’t doing all that make you seem weaker? Wouldn’t it make it seem to the other initiates that she is doing a good job appearing weak in front of them but doing well behind the scenes, which they already suspect her of? He did not do what he did because he believes in her strength. He did it so other people wouldn’t believe in it.
“Sometimes I wonder,” I say, as calmly as I can, “what’s in it for you. This… whatever it is.”
Not a surprising question. Their relationship needs more definition. This is the first time she’s ever dated anyone and their relationship is full of extreme ups and downs and it is perfectly normal to be confused about it.
“What’s in it for me,’ he repeats. He steps back, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, Tris.”
“I’m not an idiot,” I say. “Which is why I know that it’s a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you’re just looking for…um, you know, that…”
“What? Sex?” He scowls at me. “You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn’t be the first person I would go to”
I feel like he punched me in the stomach…
“I’m going to leave now,” I say quietly. And I turn toward the door
“No, Tris.” He grabs my wrist and wrenches me back. I push away, hard, but he grabs my other wrist, holding our crossed arms between us.
Here she is, wanting to walk away from a fight, but her boyfriend physically restrains her to prevent her from doing so.
“Your as bad as the Candor you know that?” He grabs my arm and drags me away from the drinking fountain. His hand hurts my arm, but I’m not strong enough to pull away.
So yeah, this isn’t a one time occurrence. He does stuff like this multiple times during the series.
He shakes his head. “You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because your small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you’re wrong.”
He leans his face close to mine and wraps his fingers around my chin. His hand smells like metal. When was the last time he held a gun? My skin tingles at the point of contact, like he’s transmitting electricity through his skin.
My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press,” he says, his fingers squeezing at the word “break”. My body tenses at the edge in his voice, so I am coiled as tight as a spring, and I forget to breathe.
His dark eyes lift to mine, he adds, “But I resist it.”
“Why…” I swallow hard. “Why is that your first instinct?”
“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. I’ve seen it, It’s fascinating.” He releases me but doesn’t pull away, his hand grazing my jaw, my neck. “Sometimes I just… want to see you awake”
I set my hands on his waist.
And here we are, supposed to feel that Tobias is so noble and great because he can resist his apparently even worse abusive tendencies. Nope. Not buying it.
INSURGENT
I’ve noticed that most fans tend to not like their relationship very much in this book, but I actually think it is an improvement. Sure, its not healthy at all. Sure, its still pretty bad. But it isn’t AS bad. So let’s discuss why it is better over here:
1. Tris and Tobias fight. Quite a bit. But when they fight, they address issues that have been building up. They address the fact that neither of them fully trust each other, they address the fact that they are both keeping secrets, they address the fact that they are making unsafe alliances and they address their inappropriate conduct in battles or otherwise (like in that scene where Tobias attacks his father) and there is FINALLY COMMUNICATION.
A few fights are good for a couple. When they are excessive, they stop being so. Luckily, there isn’t too much of that in Insurgent. When they are physical, like in Divergent, they really stop being so. Luckily, there is NONE of that in Insurgent.
2. Instead of telling Tris to act weaker, like he did in Divergent and it actually proved to be disadvantageous, he encourages her to be the strong capable woman she is. One of the things I love about Tris as a character is how despite the fact that she is a short, skinny girl who comes from an Abnegation background, she can kick ass and be awesome and it killed me to read the parts where she doubted herself. Sure, he is usually an asshole about it, but hey! One step at a time.
3. He stops publicly humiliating her. After she revealed the fact that she killed Will, he actually waited a day to confront her about it to wait for a time when they were alone and to cool down and give them both time to reflect on her public reveal.
4. Less manipulation of Tris. When he does something wrong, she calls him out for it and doesn’t soak up his bullshit. There is no more of this ‘I throw a knife at your ear to protect you’ garbage. When he does something wrong, she fucking tells him so.
“ You tell me you love me, you trust me, you think I’m more perceptive than the average person. And the first second that belief in my perceptiveness, that trust, that love is put to the test, it all falls apart”
“Well, it isn’t for you to decide.”
“Why did you bring me, again?” I say, mirroring him and folding my arms. “Oh yeah-so that I could read the situation for you. Well, I read it, and just because you don’t like what I decided doesn’t mean-”
And now for the bad:
1. He still thinks he’s her ass hole instructor. He still bosses her around and makes all the decisions for them. He decided when they would leave Amity when just discussing himself and Tris. He decided to make an alliance with his mother without Tris’s input, and the list goes on and on. He still yells at her when she does something wrong. He still disregards her opinions if they aren’t his own. When she was annoying while on drugs, he LOCKED HER IN A ROOM FOR 5 HOURS, while fucking intoxicated. How, how was this so easily overlooked??!
2. Now I would never call Tris a damsel in distress, but I think she needed to be saved by her boyfriend a little too often in this book. And, even though the events of the last book proved that Tris is not fragile, she insists on calling herself so while admiring her boyfriend’s strength.
3. Lying to get sex. I mean, really Tris? I’m not sure if it can be called a method of sexual coercion or not but either way, it was still really really awful on her part and uncomfortable to read about.
Smiley has a frown 